Understanding Grief: Healing in Your Own Time

Grief is something every human will experience, yet it never feels predictable or easy. Whether you are grieving the death of someone you love, the end of a relationship, a change in health, a major life transition, or even a version of yourself you have outgrown, grief can shake your sense of stability in profound ways. It affects the mind, body, and spirit, often in ways people do not expect.

Even though society sometimes gives the impression that grief should be quick or linear, real grief is anything but. It moves in waves, loops back around, softens, intensifies, and changes with time. And all of this, every messy, confusing part, is normal.

What Exactly Is Grief?

Grief is your mind and body’s natural response to loss. It is a sign that you have loved, cared, hoped, or invested deeply. Leading grief expert Dr. William Worden describes grief as “a process of adapting to a world without the person or thing we lost.” [5]. That adaptation takes time.

Although sadness is a well-known part of grief, it is far from the only emotional experience. People may feel:

• Deep longing

• Irritability or anger

• Numbness or emotional shutdown

• Anxiety or fear

• Guilt or regret

• Confusion or brain fog

• Relief (which can also create guilt)

Grief affects each person differently, and emotions often come in unpredictable waves.

The "Stages” of Grief in a Newer Light

Many people have heard of the “five stages” of grief. While Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ model has historical value, modern grief researchers emphasize that grief is not a tidy, step-by-step process. In fact, Kübler-Ross herself clarified that the stages were originally meant to describe the experiences of people who were dying, not those grieving a loss. [2].

Current research shows that grief is nonlinear, individualized, and constantly shifting. [4]. You might feel okay one day and overwhelmed the next. You might feel acceptance one moment and anger the next. This does not mean you are moving backward: it means you are human.

How Grief Affects the Body

Grief is not just emotional; it is intensely physical. Neuroscience research shows that the brain processes grief similarly to how it processes physical pain. [1]. You may experience:

• Fatigue

• Headaches

• Tension or muscle aches

• Digestive changes

• Trouble sleeping

• Appetite changes

• Lowered immunity

Your nervous system is working overtime to cope with stress, change, and emotional overload. This is why many grieving individuals feel mentally foggy or exhausted; their brains are literally trying to reorient to a new reality.

Types of Grief

Grief is not one-size-fits-all. Some common forms include:

• Acute Grief: Intense, overwhelming feelings that dominate early grief.

• Integrated Grief: Over time, the loss is still felt but becomes woven into life in a way that is less overwhelming. [3].

• Anticipatory Grief: Grief experienced before a loss occurs (common in serious illness).

• Complicated or Prolonged Grief: When grief remains intense and unchanging for a long period and interferes with daily life.

Recognizing the type of grief someone is experiencing can help guide the kind of support they may need.

Coping With Grief: What Helps

While nothing takes grief away, there are tools and supports that ease the burden and help you heal.

1. Allow Yourself to Feel: Suppressing emotions may delay healing. Grief needs room — room to breathe, move, soften, and change.

2. Lean on Support: Humans heal in connection. Whether it is a friend, family member, faith community, or therapist, sharing your experience helps reduce the weight.

3. Care for Your Body: Grief is a full-body experience. Eating regularly, hydrating, stretching, walking, and resting support the nervous system and decrease emotional overwhelm.

4. Create Meaningful Rituals: Lighting a candle, journaling, making a memory box, planting a tree, or visiting a meaningful place can help you stay connected and process the loss in a healthy way.

5. Avoid Self-Imposed Timelines: There is no “should” in grief. No right pace. No perfect way. Healing takes as long as it takes.

6. Seek Professional Support When Needed: Therapists trained in grief, trauma, or loss can help you navigate complicated emotions, especially if your grief feels stuck, overwhelming, or isolating.

What Grief Counseling Can Look Like

Grief counseling often includes:

• Narrative work: telling the story of your loss

• Emotion-focused work: safely exploring complex emotions

• Coping skill development: tools for managing waves of grief

• Meaning-making: understanding what the loss means to you

• Continuing bonds work: finding ways to stay connected without being consumed

Grief therapy isn’t about “moving on," it’s about moving forward with the memory and meaning intact.

Grief Doesn’t Mean Something Is Wrong With You

If you are grieving right now, please remember this:

• You are not failing.

• You are not “too emotional.”

• You are not supposed to have it all together.

• You are not alone.

Grief is not a problem to fix; it is an experience to honor. It is a reflection of your love, your humanity, and your capacity to feel deeply.

Final Thoughts

Grief changes us. But over time, with support, compassion, and patience, the pain shifts. You learn to carry the loss differently. You build a new relationship with the memory. And slowly, gently, life begins to make room for both grief and hope.

If you are navigating loss, be tender with yourself. Healing is not a straight line, but you do not have to walk it alone.

As always, thank you for being here.

~ Courtney, NBFSCG Social Work Intern

References

[1] Eisenberger, N. I. (2012). The pain of social disconnection: examining the shared neural underpinnings of physical and social pain. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 13(6), 421–434. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3231

[2] Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner.

[3] Shear, M. K. (2012). Grief and mourning gone awry: pathway and course of complicated grief. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 14(2), 119–128.

[4] Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2010). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: A decade on. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 61(4), 273–289.

[5] Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner (4th ed.). Springer Publishing.